Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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