Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
