I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it because I queefed?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
