You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
