My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
