Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
