i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
