I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
