I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
