Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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