Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
