I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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