You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
