i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
tequila makes me forget i have legs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
