i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
