I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
