what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
