Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
