i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
