We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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