Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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