How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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