Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
