You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
