I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
