why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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