i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
