Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
