Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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