Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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