its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
