she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
