She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
