You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
