I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
