lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
