Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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