Pants 0. Shit 1.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
