When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
