Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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