Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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