On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
