Ambien. No doubt about it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
where am i from again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
