this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
