My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
