Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
