He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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