I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
