I got chris browned last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
