i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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