Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
