so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
