i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
